Zina + 1?
Even though I didn't write it on my official 2017 goal list, I've been putting it into the atmosphere that this year I want to be receptive to receiving romantic love. When you start putting something like that into the air you have to question why you weren't open to it before.
If someone were to ask me how many serious relationships I've had, my answer would probably be 2.5, with the .5 being because I don't actually give him credit. However if you asked him, he'd say because I didn't give him a fair chance (he still asks for a fair chance to this day).
At 25, I think that 2.5 (read 3) serious relationships is a quite fair number. And in 2 out of the 3 I was definitely all in. However, the last one ended some time in 2015 (let's say around May but really and truly by June/July) and I haven't been in any type of committed situation since.
I often say that I don't want to be jaded or bitter or any of the negative adjectives used to describe single women, especially as they approach 30. However, I do have severe detachment when it comes to dealing with encounters of the romantic kind. We could spend copious amounts of time together, but if one day he stops calling I'm like okay what's next. I do my endeavor best to approach all situationships with logic and not emotion. And truthfully since the last serious relationship ended situationships is all I've had. Partially because I haven't met anyone I'm seriously interested in, partially because I don't allow myself to get too close.
However, when you put something in the atmosphere like you want to open yourself up to love, you have to address the reasons you weren't open. And according to guys, I'm not open because I don't want to be hurt.
I personally don't think anyone wants to be hurt, but I don't think that's my main reason either. I just find that a lot of the time the return on investment when investing feelings has been slim to none.
But I want to be open. It's my goal to be more open. So this year I'm going to. And by being open, that means saying yes to more dates. That means engaging in more conversations. That means being less detached. I don't know if I'm going to succeed, but I'm putting it out here so you guys can hold me to it. I'm putting it out here so I have a reason to be open, even if it's only to document it. This is my year of yes when it comes to dating.