Cancel That Career
I’m going to be brutally honest for a minute here - or maybe a little longer than a minute, depending on your reading pace - but I’m going to say something that has been on my heart for at least a year or two now. When I look at my career and where it will be in let’s say 5 years, I just see more lateral moves and no vertical moves. Sometimes the thought of it all depresses me because it’s like what’s the point. I don’t know if it’s because I need to give my career more time to blossom, I don’t know if it’s the career path that I chose (or really drifted to). I don’t know if it’s just me and my general disposition. But I do know that thinking about my career and its trajectory really makes me think about and voice my desire to be a housewife. Even though no one is proposing marriage right now, so that’s not even a possibility in my near future.
I’ve always had this weird thing with being a housewife and it’s just a part of my flawed feminism. Parts of me have always wanted to be a housewife, but in the past when I’ve heard about women I admired and women who I perceive as really smart choosing to become housewives, there have been parts of me that have been judgy. And other parts of me wonder if I choose to be a housewife, will people judge me as well? Will they wonder if I’m bored, wasting my potential, letting my degrees go to waste or anything else people associate with making the choice to be a housewife. Whenever I tell people that I think I want to be a housewife, I always find myself validating that decision by telling them of course I’ll focus on my blog more, I’ll start volunteeering and picking up more passion projects. It makes me wonder why I can’t just stand in the decision and not feel like I have to back it up with other things I’ll be doing to keep busy like being a housewife isn’t hard work in and of itself.
I read an article recently that said lately a lot of women in their 30s are feeling as if they chose career over family and other things that give them purpose and now they’re feeling like they made the wrong decision. They’re feeling like despite the fact that mainstream feminism tells women they can be and do anything they want, there’s still a glass ceiling and now they want more because they’re feeling like what’s the point in continuing down the career over everything else path. They want more. They want family, they want purpose and some are choosing to now become housewives. I related to the article so strongly that I became afraid. I was scared because I’m not even 30 yet and I feel this way.
I have my degrees, I wake up and go to work everyday, I’m always writing down other things I want to explore career wise, I read things about my chosen profession and where it’s headed. But when I think about my career, often times I feel nothing. Sometimes I wonder if it’s depression. Sometimes I wonder if it’s just apathy. But I do know that if I had the opportunity and/or choice, that I would choose to be a housewife. If only for a little bit to know that that wasn’t really what I wanted and to run back to career life.
Maybe this isn’t even about being a housewife, but about finding something that I’m passionate about, something that motivates me and gives me purpose. Maybe it is depression. But honestly, if you ever see me become a housewife, don’t be judgy like I used to be.