I Might Have to Ease Up on My Pimp Hand
Is it possible to be sentimental but not really emotional? Is it okay to cry at movies or when you see your mom or little old ladies cry, but not when something happens in a relationship you feel really strongly about? What do you call that? Because that's me.
When I'm talking to guys, I say I'm not emotional because I'm really not. I won't have severe reactions to anything that happens while dating, or even in any of the serious relationships I've had. I cried one time when someone told me they weren't ready for a relationship but had a girlfriend like two days later, but that's about it.
I think I hated the gross display of emotion I experienced then and since then I don't really allow myself to 'feel' too deeply when it comes to romantic relationships. So if you don't talk to me for days, cool, if one day you just disappear cool. I'm not hitting you up first except on rare occasions. I'm not proclaiming any feelings for you and I'm generally unemotional. Even if I do actually feel something.
I wouldn't necessarily say this is a trait I see as a hindrance because I believe it would go away if someone life changing entered my life, however most of the people I meet make a great case for why I should remain this way. Nevertheless I've noticed that my strong pimp hand makes guys think that they have to be less than a decent human being to me because it seems like "I won't care".
When I told a guy friend that he was being a shitty friend and didn't even check to see if i was still alive (well it was a slightly longer rant than that, but you get the picture) he literally said oh wow didn't think you'd care.
I get that I can be devoid of emotion and that I can seem cold and uncaring but that doesn't mean that you can literally treat me anyway you want and it's supposed to be normalized because I don't respond emotionally to anything anyway.
It's like this tweet I saw that people choose when to be chauvinistic or chivalrous based on the rating they ascribe to a woman. And it seems to me that because I'm just as hot and cold as literally every man I've run into lately that I'm not worthy of chivalry.
I don't really want to be more emotional, because no interaction has warranted it, but I wis that having a strong pimp hand didn't mean that I didn't need genuine companionship and chivalry too.