The Two Big Cs - Cancer and COVID19

I know, I know. I was supposed to be blogging this entire experience but then I just didn't. Honestly the only writing about it that I've wanted to do is in my journal. I have been recording videos - when they'll actually see the light of day is questionable but at least they exist. But right now nothing feels real, especially having cancer at age 28, during a pandemic.

During these uncertain times, pretty much everyone is constantly overwhelmed. I think that's even more true for cancer patients in active treatment or those in survivorship. Personally, I initially was a little scared then very annoyed but now I'm not at all afraid of COVID19 (especially because none of it feels real), but of what it can do to my treatment plan. I already got news that my chemo cycles would be more frequent and last longer than I anticipated and every cycle I get more nervous that COVID19 is going to shut everything down.

So far I have completed 7 cycles of chemo therapy and with each cycle more restrictions exist or more rules are put in place. Initially it was somewhat of a free-for-all where anyone could come with me and we had snacks that you could get out of the cupboard and it was basically a place to hang out for a couple hours with your supporters while you got what you needed to fight your cancer. Then they started limiting who could come to someone that could assist you if you were physically impaired. Then they started taking your temperature at the door. Then masks became necessary. Now you also get hand sanitizer and a wristband confirming you're safe before you can enter.

I have kept in constant contact with my best friend who works at a cancer center and some of her patients have stopped coming because they're afraid. Some of the patients at the hospital where I go have also stopped coming because they are afraid. More importantly non essential services also known as surgery has been put to a stop. I reached out to my surgeon because that's the next step of my treatment plan and she said that for now nothing is happening for at least 10 weeks so even though I don't have to worry about it yet I have to worry about it soon. For now I'm okay because there's 10 more weeks but what if COVID19 doesn't calm down within 10 weeks?

I'm not afraid of COVID19 because I firmly believe that God/the universe wouldn't give me cancer during a pandemic if I wasn't going to make it all the way through treatment. And also because none of this seems real. However if this pandemic causes my surgery or any other part of my treatment to be canceled and/or postponed then this will become very scary. It doesn't seem real yet, but it would become real then. For now I’m just continuing through my treatment plan and hoping that COVID19 or not, that I'll be showing cancer who is the real bad bitch in this equation.